Alexis,
You may or may not remember this at this point but knowing how your mind works, you remember it well. In November 2015, I wasn’t around a few nights in a row and you’d had enough. Your mom and I weren’t doing great and it was a night that changed the tenor of our relationship for the better. Though you are an incredibly smart teenager, today, you were an equally eloquent eight year old. You sent me a 26 second video over iMessage that ended with “I’m just freaking out because I can’t wait to see you.” Looking back on that video, it’s hard to believe that you were so bright and eloquent, so early in your life.
I was not the best dad to you during those two years. I drank heavily, I was gone so often, and when I was home, I carried myself with a depressive stupor that I am incredibly ashamed of. Your sister had just been born and we were all going through a lot as a family, economically, emotionally, and spiritually. It was a conversation that you and I had that reminded me of the importance of each and every interaction with you.
While some things are better than they were then, you continue to hold my feet to the fire. You’re the first to tell me when I am again disappointing the little girl in that 26 second video.
If I am being honest, that wasn’t the first time that your impact on me changed my trajectory. You have saved my life, again and again.
It was May of 2007 when your mother and I walked out of our place of work. We stood in a Northwest Houston parking lot at the age of 23 and it was the first time that we talked about you. Before that moment, I could have never imagined being a father. I’d just been kicked out of college, we were broke, and the chances were extremely slim that we’d be good parents to you.
When your beautiful mom was in labor, I was studying for my second-chance in life. I was in the Rice University library studying for a Russian exam when I received the call from your grandma Lee to rush to the hospital. You were six weeks early. You were feeble, small, and near-death but ready for the life that you know today. The odds were stacked against you for the first time in your life.
Over the next year, you’d find the strength to become a healthy little girl. You endured a lot of uncertainty over that time. Our one bedroom that you called home was lost when we were evicted from it. Somehow, you remained poised, patient, and extraordinarily well-behaved as we navigated three demands at once: professional, personal, and political. When we finally landed on our feet, we’d be evicted again. This time in Columbus, Ohio.
We wouldn’t have made it through any point of your early life without your cooperation. It’s like you knew that we needed your help back then.
A lot can happen in 14 years. Today, you may take life for granted but you’ve lived with your back against the wall. You see me often, my presence almost annoys you now. You have a bathroom to call your own, every opportunity that you could want, friends and family that love you, and a future that most statisticians would have deemed impossible.
This is all a credit to you and your will to live life to its fullest. I don’t know what the future will bring but I do know that you will be prepared. I remember every minute of your life that I was present to see, thanks to you that presence has only increased over the years. If you take nothing away from this letter, please know that you are an incredible young lady.
You have beaten countless odds. First it was you clinging to your life and then it was you finding ways to maximize that life. I hope and pray to see you cross the finish line; I’m just freaking out because I can’t wait to see it.
Lessons: the value of presence, consistency, and making memories.
Dad